What to do when life is hard.

We all want to know what to do when life is hard? Life gets hard, this is just a fact, there will always be highs and lows. The most important thing is how you handle the hard things. It could be the fact that you made a mistake or that you have a difficult job or dealing with hard family members, a failing business or just the uncertainty of the times.

I recently read a book called The Undomestic Goddess – Sophie Kinsella about a high powered lawyer who made a fifty million pounds worth mistake! She ran away from the situation and ended up as a housekeeper! This is the short story… you can read the rest yourself. What I learnt from reading this is that there is no such thing as making a mistake that will ‘ruin your life forever’ and that’s the truth! One of my favourite quotes from the book is ‘‘ Life is a resilient thing…’‘

A few things to remember along the way:

Always remember that you are worthy.

You are not defined by your circumstances or even your slip-ups. Failure is an event and it happens to us all. With this in mind don’t forget that no matter what you’re going through and what people might be saying to you or about your situation. Don’t forget to remember you are worthy simply because you exist!

Remember to take breaks

Rest is so essential when things get overwhelming. Sometimes you might have to power through it but always schedule in time to just stay still. Being still is so underrated but it really helps you to confront whatever situation it is you may be faced with.

Your feelings are valid

No matter what they may be. Be honest with yourself about how the situation is making you feel and how you think you can cope with it.

Talk about it

Sometimes you’re shy or you don’t think you can trust anyone enough. You need to give people a chance to be there for you. A problem shared is a problem half solved. Your trusted friend might offer great advice or provide a listening ear. Don’t underestimate the power of talking through it.

Encourage yourself!

Speak what you want to happen and focus on that. Things might be out of your control but just focus on staying positive, I wrote about 10 positive affirmations to keep you going on the blog- you can find them here.

If you’re in a hard place or trying to handle a hard thing then hang in there! It will be okay in the end and if it’s not okay…… you know how the saying goes.

Share this with anyone who might need to hear this! Leave a comment below if you have any tips for handling hard things.

with love,

Ari’

Life In My Twenties: Untitled.

This week’s guest shares so much with us, a good reminder to reflect and take some time to figure out who you are.

As always if you enjoy reading it please share and leave a comment with your thoughts!

Happy reading.

LADIES & GENTLEMEN, I CANT THINK OF A TITLE! 

(Kindly suggest a title in the comment section)

I had my first episode of Depression at age 20! (What a way to start telling your story #lol). 

I started my twenties with so many dreams and aspirations, and things that I really wanted to achieve in life. I HAD A PLAN! (Kai, God has a sense of humour, because you see those plans …just keep reading)

The beginning

So at age 20, I was observing the National Youth Service (NYSC) and in a relationship that I knew clearly was going nowhere. I was in a “bad place” with my loving parents, who I thought were being too overprotective and wanted to make all my life’s decisions for me. Especially when I had to pick my place of primary assignment. It was bad enough that they made me relocate from the North, where I had enjoyed my 3 weeks orientation camp; they now also wanted to pick my PPA for me… Ko Jo (no way). Anyways, “Ko jo” was the beginning of my journey in and out of depression for a number of years in my twenties. I was fighting “people” and situations in the name of fighting for my rights! #FREEDOMFIGHTER! 

The earlier parts of my twenties was pretty much a rollercoaster ride. I didn’t get into the places where I really wanted to work…In fact, for the most part, I didn’t get the kind of job I really wanted. I was in and out of relationships (okay, not like 100… just 3, but that seems like 100 for me). I was struggling with discovering who I really was, and finding the things that made me tick, paying attention to the things that drained me emotionally (I honestly couldn’t point out a lot, so I started suspecting my village people), dealing with past baggage that kept rearing its head in my everyday life (I had a strong need to be loved the way I wanted to in relationships, so if you’re not doing that- I’m out….The real issue was deeper than wanting to be loved).

Figuring it out

I started walking in God’s purpose without even knowing it at the start because I was so fixated on what I wanted for myself. My relationship with God improved and I found expression in ways that were definitely not in the initial plan. Gained insight into how to get the best out of all my relationships ( not just romantic) this started with knowing the kinds of relationships to allow into my life, not setting unrealistic expectations of others. As someone in her late twenties, I can say that a lot has changed about me over the years.

I now realize that some of the challenges I had earlier on as a young twenty-something, were actually part of a process to build me into the woman I am today. They weren’t palatable at the time, but today, I AM GRATEFUL for them.

So, this is what I have discovered usually happens to some people in their twenties:

1. You set out with plans for how your life should go—- (fair enough)
2.   If you are a God-led person, you see number 1 above—— it doesn’t quite work that way! God really does have a sense of humor…O ma shock e #lol. Is it wrong to make plans? NO…but don’t be so stuck on your plans that you don’t allow room for change.
3. You put pressure on yourself when you don’t achieve your plans ‘early enough’, especially when you have friends that seem to be doing so well…Please understand that each person’s life map/direction is different! Comparison is draining, focus on your lane.
4. When you set out to achieve something and you don’t,  some people,  are able to keep it moving, others, get stuck on it. NEWSFLASH: If you wallow in the emotions of not achieving one thing, you still won’t get it done, and you will be holding yourself back. One bad experience doesn’t make you a failure, Keep it moving! 

Resolve

When you are older, still in your twenties, you will look back and discover that all the experiences in your early twenties culminated into who you are now that you are about to turn thirty.

Now that I am in my late twenties, did I get into my dream company?, No! Am I still fixed on the plans I had at the beginning of my twenties? Honestly, I don’t even remember most of them. Have I healed from the past? Yes,  Am I still needy in relationships?  Nope. 

Do I now understand my life’s purpose? Yes, and I love it! Do I want to follow the career path I had when I was twenty, No! I have discovered myself and what makes me tick. Do I regret the experiences in my early twenties? Not at all.

Life is not “one size fits all”. Be true to yourself and keep it moving!

Adulting

Hello everyone!

How has your week been?

Thursdays are typically a day of reflection for me and I’d like to bring that to this space. Last week on Instagram I asked my fellow newbies to the workforce how they were finding it & if they were enjoying the work they were doing.

Everyone was really open and honest and it was nice to see that I wasn’t the only experiencing certain things.

Some of the key things people struggled with:

1. Imposter Syndrome

2. Not being challenged enough

3. Feeling overwhelmed/ burnt out

These are things that greatly impact how you feel and in turn how you experience this new stage in life.

Personally, to make it all a little bit easier I remind myself of certain things.

1. Change is uncomfortable and is also constant, I have to get used to this feeling.

2. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now

3. They wouldn’t hire me if they didn’t think I could do it!

4. I can’t control what happens but I can control my response

I’d like to find out what people think and what advice anyone has for those of us who might be struggling a little bit & who don’t actually think we are where we’re meant to be.

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section!

Enjoy the rest of your week!

Fike

It’s not just me, Is it?

Hello everyone! Its been ages since I posted on here, I am the very definition of ‘life got in the way’

Anyways, I’ve decided to find my way back as my Queen Mother- Beyonce once said.

Today I want to talk about how I am feeling. It’s a weird time, I have completed a degree, as well as a  post-graduate degree. Now I am faced with the task of figuring out my next move. What doesn’t help is  that everywhere I turn older adults are saying ‘ so what’s next?’

It has made me start to wonder about, what people have against living in the moment. If they mean well why not just ask what are you doing with your time now ? ‘what next?’ is a nosey question that can leave the person answering feeling a bit anxious at the end.

I am certain a huge group of us are tired of this question and even just this space but alas, it is part of the journey.

This is just to say if you’re in this place where you’re not quite sure what to do or if you even want to be doing the thing you’ve decided to do, then we are all truly in this together.

Here’s to hoping we figure it out and not being too hard on ourselves even if it takes a little longer than we anticipate!

-Ari’