Life In My Twenties: Two Dilemmas I Have Faced So Far.

Hi guys!

Back again with another post in the Life In My Twenties series! I hope you are all enjoying it so far?

Our guest today writes about two dilemma’s he has faced so far and has come to realise the importance of contentment and being patient with yourself!

I’d love to hear what your twenties have been teaching you, please share and leave a comment!

Happy reading!

Two DILEMMAS I HAVE FACED SO FAR IN MY 20’s.

Hey Ari, I hope you’re well, 

It’s certainly been an interesting few weeks since you asked me to be one of the contributors to this blog series about what it’s been like navigating my 20’s so far.

I was unusually excited, after all, we’ve had so many meaningful conversations about life over the years and spoken about how we’d like to share our experiences with a wider audience.

However, as time passed I found myself paralysed by the idea of sharing my experiences; and by my fear of being judged – what if I can’t get my message across clearly? What if I’m misunderstood? What if no one cares?

Anyway, that being said, I have decided to go for it and put my fears aside. I believe that there is always something someone can learn from another person’s experience. And that is exactly what this is, my personal reflections on my experiences so far.

-o-

The Dilemma’s

“Ari… you know I have a restless imagination at times and I can be a bit of a perfectionist.”

Thinking about where to start on a topic such as navigating your 20s. I was instinctively compelled to write about certain dilemmas I have faced so far. This is because the situations and patterns I have encountered have often provided me with an avenue for profound shifts in perspectives.

With that in mind, I would like to discuss the tension I have often faced fully appreciating my success and striving for continuous improvement.

Up until the beginning of quarantine, it had been virtually impossible for these two opposing approaches to life to coexist in my head.

On one hand, my desire to better myself has been a huge contributor to my achievements. However, it has contributed equally to destroying my motivation and eroding the joy and satisfaction from those successes.

You see, the continuous improvement side of myself would often spend so much time analysing how things could or should have been done better or differently so that the next time round I would ultimately achieve more, and in my head, maybe then I’d be satisfied. 

That continuous improvement side of myself would often rhetorically ask the other side of myself: “But I mean Fola, can you really blame me?” And would then proceed to give the very compelling (in the world of my mind) argument that:

“We both know the allure and promises of ‘progress’, ‘growth’, and ‘the next thing’, are very enticing… And besides, we have constantly been reminded, and also both agree, might I add, that there is always room for improvement, to never rest on our laurels and most definitely never to be complacent.”

Sometimes, this argument would spur me on to do more which I guess had its benefits, but at other times, the other side of myself would simply shutdown.

This shutdown was because that part of myself had found, through its practical experiences that manner of living was simply tiring, draining, unrewarding and hugely dissatisfying, irrespective of how much it had made me achieve. So much so that then achieving more had no correlation with satisfaction… You know, that feeling you get when you realise that what you were so sure you wanted didn’t turn out to give you the satisfaction you’d imagined.

Realisation

Now that hopefully you now see my Dilemma, I realised that it was as a result of my misconception of what I thought contentment meant.

I thought that to be content meant to settle, and because I refuse to settle (I still do refuse). I was always searching for something out there, dwelling on the past, fixating on the future.

Never really appreciating the moment (or the present success) for what it was. 

A new understanding of contentment has taught all sides of me that there is a time for everything. It has taught me to know that, sure things could have been done better or differently; and that there is still so much more to be achieved. But for now, in this moment, to consider all those facts and still chose to accept where I am at. 

Contentment taught me to be present. To fully appreciate my current successes and also at the same time strive for more. 

The Real Dilemma

Those are the things I would have liked to say about one of the dilemmas of navigating life in my 20s so far, but really in writing this my true dilemma has been that: 

Ari… you know I have a restless imagination at times and I can be a bit of a perfectionist.

Ari… You know I have a restless imagination at times and I can be a bit of a perfectionist I am scared of failure.

Ari… You know I have a restless imagination at times and I can be a bit of a perfectionist i’m scared of failure I am scared of my success.

And I know that although I have found it easy to express myself to you, I know that I will not be able to express  myself to your readers… so I thought why should I bother.

The end.

Life in My Twenties: Making A Name For Myself.

I will just let you guys get into it, please let me know what you think in the comments section- can you relate? Enjoy.

• 

  Timothy

Life in my twenties has been such an unexpected experience. I was the party guy,  sports guy,  and your typical frat boy (Not proud of it lol) but in the back of my mind as a teen, I was always anxious about turning 20.

I felt that at 20 you just had to grow up and have your life sorted out and start making moves both financially and relationship-wise because if you didn’t make it then, you might never make it. That’s how I felt.

I can never forget my 21^st birthday, halfway through my sixth shot lol  I  had a mini-breakdown. I realized I was 21 and to me, that meant I was a full-blown adult and I needed to be making millions in the next year and getting married in like 5 what a joke!

It took a toll on my mind as I started pushing small business that ended up just fading out, it was an issue. I just wanted to make it fast so I could live the comfortable life I had envisioned.

What helped me and changed my twenties was getting baptized and following God. I was able to understand things better because I believed more in Gods timing of things. It also gave me an inherent calm, I wasn’t so agitated to prove to everyone that I am going to be successful. I started doing things with more focus. I can’t really explain it, just trust me it made sense lol.

One thing I had not realized at the beginning of all this was that everything has its time. Pushing myself was good, making mistakes early and failing was a part of life that I just had to accept, it was not going to stop me from trying. It was interesting because I was not really the most religious person growing up. 

Now fast forward a few years later I run my own law practice with some friends, and we get new briefs every week and it’s been a hustle but I know we are building something that makes sense.

At the start of my twenties, I would not have envisioned myself on the legal path at all, but it turns out I have a knack for it! I wouldn’t say I am killing it just yet,  because I have lofty goals for myself and the practice, but I am definitely on the right path and I am looking forward to seeing what life throws at me.

One last thing I would put out there is -I have learnt that it’s alright to have a plan and have goals but life is not predictable; your life and plans can be thrown into a blender and all that but you have to find a way to react on your feet and more importantly take your knocks and get right back up for the next round. 

There’s a lot more but we leave it here for now. In your twenties, just do what you can, don’t stress yourself. Time works differently for various people. 

Bye.

By Timothy.

How to Keep a Journal

I have been writing in Journals for as long as I can remember. It has been one of the best ways to protect my peace, plan my next steps and give my mind a break.

Keeping a journal can be therapeutic, it can serve as a guide and remind you of what you want. They are great for sounding out ideas you think might sound crazy or just letting out your daily frustrations.

Here are 5 tips for keeping a journal

Get a notebook!

This is obvious, but some people keep notes on their phone or laptops but going old school is really the best way to go. Actually writing out how you feel, what you’re looking forward to or not goes a long way.

Create the right vibe

Try and find a quiet space and time when you can really hear yourself think.Where you will be comfortable getting in your feelings, whatever those feelings may be.

Bonus tip: light a scented candle and relax

Go with the flow

Most people say they don’t know how to start. A journal is for you-there are no wrong or right entries, so a good place to start is where you are. You can write about your day, you can write about a feeling, you can doodle, you will be surprised where your mind can lead you when you just let go.

No pressure

This is all about you, there is no need to keep it routine. You can Journal whenever you feel like it. You also don’t need perfect handwriting or picture-perfect pages, just write and don’t get too bogged down in the details of how it looks ( unless that’s your thing).

Write out your dreams

We can sometimes be scared to say what we want, a journal is a safe space and will give you the opportunity to work out your fears and hopes. Write out those big dreams and watch them come to life.

Write the vision and engrave it plainly on tablets. So that the one who reads it will run

Habakkuk 2:3

Do you keep a journal already? Have you been meaning to start? Do you have any questions? Let me know in the comments below!