The 5 Love Languages: Long-distance Edition

In a huge twist of events, here I am writing about love & romance two weeks in a row. Anyway, it is part of life so let’s get to it, shall we?

Last week on the blog I wrote about whether or not long-distance is worth it, you can read about it here!

This week, as a follow-up, I have teamed up with my friend, Tireni and we thought it would be helpful to talk about the 5 love languages, specifically in times of physical separation. This is very timely as more people than ever have unintentionally joined the LDR squad!

Welcome, welcome, this should help you along the way. We’ll write in the context of romantic relationships but love is love, and most of these tips are easily adaptable and applicable to platonic relationships.

Quality Time

For a partner who values Quality Time, nothing says ”I love you” like your undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is so key- no distractions.

It is important that you show your partner that you value their time and presence. This means you need to get rid of phones, other people, any side tasks, generally anything distracting and just focus on your partner. This will make them feel truly special and loved, thankfully technology has made this slightly easier for us.

Distractions, postponed plans, or not listening to your partner can be very hurtful, so if your partner values quality time, you have to make a conscious effort to keep on being intentional because they deepen their connection with others through spending time with people. You need to be as keen on spending time with them, as though you were physically together.

Practical Tip #1: In times of physical distance, the next best thing is a Video Call. It may seem like a little thing but your partner would most likely prefer voice & video calls to texts because when you’re apart the closest thing they get is seeing and hearing your voice.

Extra Mile: Set a specific date and time and communicate to your partner that you would like it to be uninterrupted – essentially plan a lockdown date night.

This is so important for your partner because this is how they know you care.

Basically, be proactive, be intentional ( your partner does not want to be the one that has to explain how they would like to be loved all the time) and don’t forget to give them your undivided attention-major key!

Gifts

A common misconception about this love language is that it means such a person is materialistic but this is not the case. The receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. This shows your partner that you really know them, and you care enough to go the extra mile.

Don’t worry, you can stop holding your breath if this is your partner’s love language because we are happy to inform you that you don’t have to break the bank buying that Designer Wallet or the PS5 with extra storage lol!

Your partner just wants to know they are on your mind, that you remembered that conversation or thing they said in passing and you took the time to think and plan out how you could help or make a difference. This won’t be hard to do it you’re listening to your partner.

Practical Tip #2: So that you believe us when we say you don’t have to break the bank, here are a few suggestions – A framed picture of both of you, sending a care package because you know they had a tough week/are alone, a letter sent in the post, a card, flowers just because, a handwritten note, or just a few of their favourite things/snacks in a box. 

Extra Mile: When it’s that time of the month for your (girl)friend, you can put together a package with her favourite snacks, a candle, pain killers, bath salts and a nice note. 

In this time of social distancing, gifts are definitely a welcome idea and would put a smile on anybody’s face.

In summary, It’s the little things, make sure you’re thinking about something that would be good for them and that you’re paying attention to them.

Acts of Service

This love language requires you to do something helpful or kind for your partner. Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. If your partner values this they want to feel supported and they want to know you are interested in the things going on with them.

Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for your partner tells them that their feelings don’t matter. 

Practical Tip #3: Helping them or their more vulnerable family members order groceries, offering to help if they have school or work deadlines, picking up things they are struggling to do because of multiple commitments i.e. tutoring their sibling, sending helpful resources if they’re applying for jobs as well as going to get supplies and dropping them off where you can.

In summary, the trick is to do things to take the pressure off them and it becomes even more special if you do it before they think about it or need to ask for your help. 

Physical Touch

This love language is pretty straight forward – your partner will enjoy more than most – hugs, hand holding, kisses and all the rest. You know where we are going with this.

If you are miles apart for whatever reason this is a pretty difficult one to pull off and requires extra creativity. Thankfully, we’ve done a lot of thinking so you don’t have to. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect can be unforgivable and destructive to your relationship.

Practical Tip #4: Send a teddy or item of clothing with your scent. Now to people whose love language this is, a hot water bottle might help. You can read more about the things you can try here and please share anything else you might think of in the comments section below!

In summary, if this is your partner’s love language you might try focusing on their secondary love language for the duration of the distance, the effort would be appreciated!

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important— hearing the reasons behind that love might make your day.

On the flip side, unkind words can leave you shattered and may not be easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up. So basically, this love language is all about what you say, this should be easy for most people to do especially now.

Practical Tip #5: This might sound like, “I am really proud of you”, “I am really proud of how productive you’ve been”, “You look really nice today”, “Thank you for making the time and effort to do this”, “Thank you for your help”, “You are always so thoughtful” and of course “I love you/appreciate you/love speaking to you.”

Extra Mile: Send a card or handwritten note expressing how amazing you think they are or send your partner something positive about themselves every day for a week!

Where your partner has attempted to love you according to your love language, and theirs is words of affirmation, telling them how happy it made you will go a long way for both of you.

In summary, a Words of Affirmation person wants to be reminded of how much they mean to you often and how great you think they are!

We hope you enjoyed reading this, at least half as much as we enjoyed writing this because we had a ball!

To find out what your love languages are you can take this short test and also share it with the people you love!

Don’t forget to subscribe so you’re the first to know as soon as a new post hits the blog! Let us know if you enjoyed this in the comments section!

Is A Long Distance Relationship Worth It?

With the way the world is set up these days, long-distance or some distance is typically the order of the day. With access to jobs, schools and just the possibilities of moving around; more and more we consider long-distance dating/relationships. Even more so with our current global pandemic, some of us have been forced into long & some distance type relationships. Which brings me to my question- Is a Long Distance Relationship Worth It?

Spoiler alert: You are the only one that can decide this for yourself. However, I will be sharing what I have found from some conversations I had.

For some context I used to be team –NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN! More recently due to a series of events I am now team- GIVE IT A GO!

So there you have it, you can give it a go if you are currently dating someone you really like and are willing to commit to long term. You don’t have to take my word for it – I will be sharing comments from other people.

Based on my research here are some things to consider when giving long distance a shot:

Money

I was surprised only one person mentioned this but it is a factor that is very key! People always recommend you plan your visits ahead- this requires money. You will spend money on travel, dates when you’re finally together and then gifts. Once you start long distance, gifts become a thing, even if they weren’t your thing before. It is always sweet to get a reminder that your significant other is thinking of you.

Trust

You need to trust your partner 100% It is the only realistic way you can get through this. Obviously you wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone you don’t trust but being long distance takes this to a whole new level. Trust is typically built over time and something a lot of people mentioned was that they would be more comfortable doing long distance if they had dated with no distance at first.

” My key takeaway from being in a long distance relationship for 3 years is that Trust & Communication are the most important things.”- Anon

Be Intentional

As with everything else in life & even regular relationships, being intentional always pays off. With long distance, it helps to schedule time for your partner. So, set a Facetime date, a Netflix party, playing online games, doing a Bible study or devotional plan together, praying together. Plan things you can do together apart from talk on the phone. This leads to my next point.

“Being present and not multitasking while on the phone- behave as if you’re having the conversation in person and just be present.”

“know what works for both of you and be intentional about doing or giving them this.”

Be Thoughtful

You typically have limited options but that should not stop you from showing up for your partner. You have to be attentive to what your partner likes or doesn’t like and try to find creative ways to express that. If you know your partner loves letters- write to them! If they love flowers- send flowers! Find ways to surprise your partner, thankfully technology allows us to do this in different ways. Most importantly, make sure you are listening to your partner and doing what they want.

“I surprise him with cards at random times because i discovered he likes that.”

Communication is key

Again, this is a given in any relationship but as I have previously stated, being long distance heightens the need for this. Some quotes about communication from my contributors:

“Be open with each other even when they’re being hella annoying…”

“Communicate in the right amount for you both, don’t over do it.”

“If there’s something, we have to talk about it. We don’t feel comfortable withholding things from each other.”

“Complete transparency and open communication, even if it’s hard.”

Pictures

This is a big one for me, it probably goes without saying but honestly, sometimes you miss your partner and would just like a reminder of when you were together and how it felt. Nothing helps more than having a cute picture or video to help relive one of your moments with your significant other.

Patience & Understanding

You definitely have to adjust to the long-distance situation, especially if you switch from seeing each other all the time to long distance. You need patience, understanding and resilience to get you through. Patience because sometimes things can be lost in translation via text or even the tone of your partner on the phone. Understanding because there might be parts of their day you don’t necessarily have full information on and you just need to understand that.

Mutual Effort

You and your partner have to be committed to making it work and ready to keep choosing each other.

Although long-distance gets a negative rap for the most part. I found from my discussions that most people who have been in it or are currently in one are happy to do it with the right person. Personally I love that a long-distance relationship allows you to focus on the friendship part of your relationship above all else. That gives a good foundation for anything that you see being long-term. A long-distance relationship can be so worth it with the right partner! But ultimately everyone has to decide this for themselves.

What my contributors said in response to the question- Is a long-distance relationship worth it:

” A Long-distance relationship is soo worth it if you feel like you’ve found the right person. Nothing worse than not trying at all and thinking ‘what if?’ I am super happy I tried because above having an amazing boyfriend, I have an amazing friend for LIFE.”

” Lol. I feel like no relationship is stress-free, each one has its hurdles that need to be overcome. If this is someone you see and desire a future with, the long-distance is a means to an end. So if it’s worth it’ depends on each individual person’s circumstances and end game.“

“With who I am with, everything is worth it. It all depends on your partner I guess and where you see y’alls future together ( hopefully they don’t belong to the streets” – P.s did you get the Future joke lol!

“Yeah if you’re both willing to put in the effort.”

Have you done long distance? Are you currently doing long distance? Have I convinced you to give it a go or are you still team never going to happen? I would really love to hear your thoughts on this in the comments section below!

Don’t forget to subscribe and share this post if you enjoyed reading xx

Ari’

Things to do on Valentines Day in Lagos 2020

Hello everyone!

I’m back and just in time to save my last-minute lovers ❤️😂.

Valentine’s Day is tomorrow and here’s me ready to save the day/night.

I know some of you still don’t know what you’re doing, and your significant other is asking, so here are some cute ideas if you’re in Lagos!

1. Stay in your house dear.

Personally, this is my favourite suggestion, have you ever experienced Valentine’s Day traffic?

If you have I’m not sure how you still do it every year. Today is a great day for dinner & a movie ( Netflix and chill) in your house, get some fairy lights, some cute candles, and a sweet playlist to create a romantic vibe.

2. If you don’t have a house to stay in well then:

Dinner at a nice Restaurant will do, remember restaurants have hiked up prices and you might need to reserve a spot.

So to my last min.com friends have a look at the @Eat.Drink.Lagos Insta page to see a list of restaurants with Valentine’s Day specials. There’s a range of restaurant’s so hopefully, there’s something for everyone.

3. If you need to kill time before your dinner, be cliche and go and see a movie!

This is easy – pick a movie you’ll both enjoy and then see where the night takes you!

4. Couples massage: honestly this is not a last-minute man plan but it doesn’t hurt to try! Lucky for you it seems like there’s a spa at every turn in Lagos so pick one in your budget. This works better for Saturday. Good luck!

5. For something fun & romantic.

If your significant other has lots of energy then Upbeat is doing a special package that includes a meal, wine & jumping.

If anyone actually does this, please let me know how this goes. Try at your own risk.

6. If you’re being brave and finally asked someone out for Valentine’s Day, you might want to go for drinks and small bites, just in case it gets a bit awkward and you’re ready to leave!

My top two picks for really cute outdoor drink spots are:

1. The Light House

2. Bolivar Bar

7. For something romantic and a bit different –

Bubble is hosting an outdoor movie night on Saturday 15th at Lekki Special Events Centre. There will be Sip&paint, wine tasting, games & cupids den.

This is definitely something to surprise your significant other with, especially if on Friday you took my number 1 suggestion and stayed in your house! More details on their Instagram page – @bubblee_ng

8. One of my favourite spots – Bogobiri is hosting a Karaoke & Games night there’s also dinner for two! Head over to their Instagram page for more details @bogobirihouse

 

Remember it’s a day to show love, it’s supposed to be fun. So no matter what you do enjoy !

Happy Valentine’s Day!

– Fike