Life In My Twenties: Untitled.

This week’s guest shares so much with us, a good reminder to reflect and take some time to figure out who you are.

As always if you enjoy reading it please share and leave a comment with your thoughts!

Happy reading.

LADIES & GENTLEMEN, I CANT THINK OF A TITLE! 

(Kindly suggest a title in the comment section)

I had my first episode of Depression at age 20! (What a way to start telling your story #lol). 

I started my twenties with so many dreams and aspirations, and things that I really wanted to achieve in life. I HAD A PLAN! (Kai, God has a sense of humour, because you see those plans …just keep reading)

The beginning

So at age 20, I was observing the National Youth Service (NYSC) and in a relationship that I knew clearly was going nowhere. I was in a “bad place” with my loving parents, who I thought were being too overprotective and wanted to make all my life’s decisions for me. Especially when I had to pick my place of primary assignment. It was bad enough that they made me relocate from the North, where I had enjoyed my 3 weeks orientation camp; they now also wanted to pick my PPA for me… Ko Jo (no way). Anyways, “Ko jo” was the beginning of my journey in and out of depression for a number of years in my twenties. I was fighting “people” and situations in the name of fighting for my rights! #FREEDOMFIGHTER! 

The earlier parts of my twenties was pretty much a rollercoaster ride. I didn’t get into the places where I really wanted to work…In fact, for the most part, I didn’t get the kind of job I really wanted. I was in and out of relationships (okay, not like 100… just 3, but that seems like 100 for me). I was struggling with discovering who I really was, and finding the things that made me tick, paying attention to the things that drained me emotionally (I honestly couldn’t point out a lot, so I started suspecting my village people), dealing with past baggage that kept rearing its head in my everyday life (I had a strong need to be loved the way I wanted to in relationships, so if you’re not doing that- I’m out….The real issue was deeper than wanting to be loved).

Figuring it out

I started walking in God’s purpose without even knowing it at the start because I was so fixated on what I wanted for myself. My relationship with God improved and I found expression in ways that were definitely not in the initial plan. Gained insight into how to get the best out of all my relationships ( not just romantic) this started with knowing the kinds of relationships to allow into my life, not setting unrealistic expectations of others. As someone in her late twenties, I can say that a lot has changed about me over the years.

I now realize that some of the challenges I had earlier on as a young twenty-something, were actually part of a process to build me into the woman I am today. They weren’t palatable at the time, but today, I AM GRATEFUL for them.

So, this is what I have discovered usually happens to some people in their twenties:

1. You set out with plans for how your life should go—- (fair enough)
2.   If you are a God-led person, you see number 1 above—— it doesn’t quite work that way! God really does have a sense of humor…O ma shock e #lol. Is it wrong to make plans? NO…but don’t be so stuck on your plans that you don’t allow room for change.
3. You put pressure on yourself when you don’t achieve your plans ‘early enough’, especially when you have friends that seem to be doing so well…Please understand that each person’s life map/direction is different! Comparison is draining, focus on your lane.
4. When you set out to achieve something and you don’t,  some people,  are able to keep it moving, others, get stuck on it. NEWSFLASH: If you wallow in the emotions of not achieving one thing, you still won’t get it done, and you will be holding yourself back. One bad experience doesn’t make you a failure, Keep it moving! 

Resolve

When you are older, still in your twenties, you will look back and discover that all the experiences in your early twenties culminated into who you are now that you are about to turn thirty.

Now that I am in my late twenties, did I get into my dream company?, No! Am I still fixed on the plans I had at the beginning of my twenties? Honestly, I don’t even remember most of them. Have I healed from the past? Yes,  Am I still needy in relationships?  Nope. 

Do I now understand my life’s purpose? Yes, and I love it! Do I want to follow the career path I had when I was twenty, No! I have discovered myself and what makes me tick. Do I regret the experiences in my early twenties? Not at all.

Life is not “one size fits all”. Be true to yourself and keep it moving!

Life In My Twenties: I’m Twenty-Three!

This week our post is two in one, both of our writers have no idea who the other is but they somehow happen to be contemplating what it means to be 23.

I found their words really encouraging and I hope you do too!

Afoma

It’s my 23^rd birthday in about a month and I’m very hopeful for the next year of my life. 

My 21^st year was probably the worst year of my life and its largely because life literally hit me from nowhere. I had been waiting to finally be an adult and have all these amazing life experiences – but here I was at 21 feelings very unaccomplished and unsatisfied.

I turned 21 a month after my graduation from university and I found myself extremely unhappy with my career choices and feeling like I should be doing a lot more with my life, which then made me spend the better part of my 21^st year either sad or in tears.

By my 22^nd birthday, I had decided to stop being sad over the things I couldn’t control, be appreciative of what I have achieved so far and remember to take each day as it comes because I’m still young and I have a long full life ahead of me.

This past year has been very satisfying to put it in one word. I took each day as it came, and it has been so rewarding. This year I started several projects and initially my anxiety was skyrocketing because what if it fails, but really what if they fail? Well now, I’ve accepted that if they fail, I’ll just have to try again. Life really goes on.

The best part about my 20s is figuring out life with my friends. We are all experiencing different things, learning & evolving, I cant wait to see the women we finally grow into!

Mira

I spend half of my day wishing I was 5 and the other half wishing I was 35. But recently I am learning to relax and appreciate the chaos that is being 23.

If you’re anything like me, you probably have about 10,000 thoughts a minute, a ton of different ways your life could end up, and you get consumed with your ideas as time passes. I have always viewed this as something I need to fix – To grow up and not feel like a child concerned with childish dreams.

Lately, I am not so sure, I am thinking more about how I think about myself and my design. I’m realising ( trying to really) that just because a path is not mainstream does not mean it’s not valid.

Let’s be real, this process sucks! It’s really high highs and shattering lows. It is anxiety, peace, pain and joy all at the same time. It is droughts of uncertainty, breaths of clarity and plunges of confusion. But it is life, and somewhere between the chaos, we have to live, we have to be.

So breathe, you’re good. You’re still figuring it out, it is messy but it is beautiful. Yes, the mess can be beautiful. Not when it’s cleaned up, but right in the middle! Laugh a little. Don’t be too hard on yourself because you’re doing good. Maybe not by the standards of the world, but you’re good.

Afoma & Mira have reminded me of some words of encouragement I wrote in a previous post- check it out here.

Please share and leave a comment if you enjoyed reading this !

Life In My Twenties: The First Year of my ’20s

Our guest today is in the ‘first year’ of her twenties and she explains what that looks like.

My takeaway is – we are all figuring it out, but we have to answer our own questions & decide what we want our lives to look like, no one has the answers!

Leave a comment and let me know how you felt at 20! Share this if you enjoyed it.

Happy Reading!

My 20s started off the most chaotic way possible – I had an exam, it rained excessively, I was late for my birthday dinner, my makeup didn’t bang and I had a fight with my friendship group.

Despite the start whenever I was asked, how does it feel to be in your 20s, my reply was always “it’s brought me so much clarity” (LOL). The thing is I was an overly anxious teenager and by the time I reached 20, it was a lot clearer what I liked, what I didn’t like and what I wanted my future to look like. 

My plan was simple: graduate with a masters, work towards becoming a chartered engineer while pursuing my dreams of becoming a freelance fashion journalist on the side and eventually start working on moving out of the UK. In some ways, my 20th year was a demo for what I had planned for the rest of my 20s. 

You see, I had planned on going into my 3rd year but somehow, when I least expected it, I got an offer for a year in industry(lesson no 1 in my 20s, plans can change anytime!!). Truth is, I really was not in the frame of mind to do 3rd  year, as at this point I had started to resent my course, so, I saw this as a way out and as a divine opportunity to clear my head. 

So I moved down south, to my own apartment, to start the infamous 9-5. I was doing everything an “adult” should be doing – living on my own, paying bills, going to work, having drinks on Friday night, and I was even writing for my fashion blog and another publication on the side. Perfect right? 

The thing no one tells you about your 20s is that even when you seem to have your shit together, you don’t. This was the first time I was truly on my own and there’s no clear blueprint really on what life in your 20s is like. 

Should I still be going out clubbing or am I too old? 

Should I be getting into a serious relationship?

 Should I be “grinding” and saving for a house like Twitter says I should do? 

Should I be finding myself? Should I be feeling this old?

 Should I be feeling this lost? 

What I’ve learnt from my first year in my 20s is you have to answer these questions for yourself.

Your 20s are when everyone’s path seems to diverge (some people are graduating and starting work, some doing masters, some moving back home) and you can no longer look around you for guidance. 

To make things worse there seems to be a huge pop culture emphasis on teens and high school then boom unmarried in your 30s – with a huge gap in the decade that defines your 20s. All this has led me to believe that my 20s is a time for me to look inwards, to define the life I want, the values I want to live by and stay true to myself. It’s also led me to believe that if I have to rely on myself more than ever now I have to start working and investing in myself unlike ever before.

 I can only hope for the best while I do this. 

Ose.